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Is this an all too familiar scenario? Hot and heavy loving with hungry kisses and tender caresses that promise orgasmic bliss for both you and your eager partner when all of a sudden you're one thrust past the edge, the dam bursts and it's over. You're finished, "spent" and ready for sleep. She's still waiting for more, perhaps wistfully contemplating a purchase of that acrylic vibrating dildo her friend has been raving about.
Well, you're not alone in this too-quick-for-her-climax intercourse. The "average" man makes about 50 thrusts before he ejaculates. For most women it takes approximately 10 minutes of active intercourse to reach orgasm. Even the most optimistic lover can see these numbers just don't add up! But don't roll over and nod off yet, there are some simple things you can do to bring your partner and you much closer together.
These male/female discrepancies in timing are part physiological and part habit. Physically men's and women's arousal rates vary widely, but for the most part women become fully turned on much more slowly than men. So a great way to make sure you're both happy with your love life is to include lots of foreplay. Help her reach orgasm with your fingers, tongue, and lips before you even start to have intercourse.
Secondly, most men's experience with sex starts out as rather furtive masturbation, a quick release in the bathroom or under the bedcovers before someone can see what's going on. Then onto early sexual experiences with a girlfriend in back seats of cars or in a basement rec room, again in a hurry, before she changes her mind or her parents come along to change it for her.
Now when you have the time and space for long lovemaking good old John Thomas is still back in the "I've gotta come now" days, and he's not going to slow down just because you tell him to. That's like asking a guy who's trained as a sprint champ to bring home a gold in the 5000 meter instead. He may well be able to make the shift but he's going to need coaching. You can train him with your mind, your muscles and your breath or a combination of all three. It's not entirely up to you either, your loving partner can assist, after all it's for her benefit as well!
The first step is to become aware of your own levels of arousal. Experiment, take your time and give yourself a very real self-loving exploration, not just a quick masturbatory release. Notice how your penis moves through distinct changes before orgasm and ejaculation, he's not just soft and then hard and spewing.
There are four defined stages of erection: lengthening and filling; swelling; full erection; rigid erection. The fourth stage, rigid erection, characterized by a penis that's very stiff (a boner) and very hot, signifies ejaculation is close at hand. Through attentive self-arousal and the playful hands of your sweetheart you can learn how to stay for longer periods of time in the exciting, but less explosive, third stage of firm erection. When you feel yourself moving into the hard, hot level stop stimulation, relax and pay attention to your breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply.
The Power of Breath
Conscious breathing is a key for extended lovemaking. Rapid breathing excites and arouses you. Slow, controlled breathing, way down into your belly, calms you and helps delay ejaculation. Focusing on your breath takes your attention away from your genitals. Synchronizing your breathing rhythm with your partner's strengthens your connection with each other. Adding sound to your breathing can also help you ride the edge of pleasure. As you exhale send out a deep lion roar. Feel the sound come from your scrotum, up through your belly and lungs and out your mouth as a powerful release of the orgasmic tension building inside you.
You can use some of the following "muscle techniques" to postpone ejaculation as well.
PC (pubococcygeous) Muscle Contraction
This is simply squeezing your pelvic floor muscles, around the scrotum, penis and anus as you feel ejaculation approaching. An easy way to practice this is to interrupt your urine stream when you are going to the bathroom.
Perineum Pressure
Pressing on the perineum, a spot midway between your scrotum and your anus, will help to stop ejaculation because this spot reaches through to the prostate gland. It is the prostate that contracts and expands during orgasm and then expels the ejaculation fluid. Ask your partner to apply this loving pressure for you.
Testes Tug
When a man nears orgasm his scrotum rises up closer to his body. You can delay ejaculation by gently pulling your testes down and away from your body. Your partner can also do this for you.
Penis Tip Squeeze
Squeezing your penis just below the head or glans can help to stop oncoming ejaculation. It necessitates withdrawing completely from your partner during intercourse, but is an excellent way to begin practice on your own with masturbation.
Passion Pump
This technique, which combines squeezing the PC muscles, rolling your eyes upward, touching your tongue to the roof of your mouth, and visualizing your sexual energy flowing up through your body while you practice controlled deep breathing is one of the most effective ways of delaying ejaculation. It's a Taoist sexual kung fu technique that has the added benefit of helping you circulate your sexual energy through your body rather than having it remain hot and heavy in your genital region.
Special Tip
It is easier to delay ejaculation by focusing on moving your sex energy through your body rather than focusing on not ejaculating. Stopping movement, relaxing a little and breathing deeply and slowly will all aid with this practice.
The Importance of the Prostate Gland
When you practice delaying ejaculation it is very important to massage the prostate gland, so that it doesn't become sore. You can do this by pressing on the perineum. The prostate can be felt as a bumpy walnut shape beneath your fingers. Especially delightful is massaging in circular motions, first clockwise and then counterclockwise, with a piece of folded silk on the perineum spot.
Thrusting Technique
A superb thrusting technique that brings great pleasure to a woman and helps a man to last is a combination of deep and shallow thrusts. By shallow thrusts we mean your penis only enters 11/2 to 2 inches inside your partner. These first couple of inches are the most sensitive part of a woman's vagina. Deep thrusts mean your penis enters as fully as you can.
In this technique you combine a series of nine fairly quick shallow thrusts with one slow deep one. The shallow thrusts stimulate your partner's most sensitive vaginal tissues and at the same time create a vacuum effect that makes her ache for the deep thrust to come. And because most of your thrusts are shallow ones, exciting only the first few inches of your penis, you're able to rock on for much longer!
Mind over Muscle
Practicing squeezing your PC muscles will enable you to gradually become so familiar with your genitals, that you will be able to discern each separate muscle group and contract/relax them at will. At first you will tighten your genitals and everything will contract at once. Later you will be able to contract your anal muscles without moving your penis or scrotum, or pull up your scrotum while your anus and penis remain relaxed, or bob your penis up and down while nothing else moves. Eventually just a thought will relax everything, especially your smooth genital muscles, sending your hot sexual energy shooting through your body, not out the end of your penis, but instead into your partner through eye contact, intercourse, or touching.
Smooth muscles are internal muscles over which you normally have no conscious control. You may not have been aware that you have smooth muscles. They're muscles like your heart muscle, the muscles that push your food through your digestive tract and the muscles that push the sperm and semen out the end of your penis. Becoming aware of your smooth muscles and eventually gaining enough mastery to be able to consciously keep them relaxed will enable blood to flow into the penis, maintaining an erection almost indefinitely - certainly long enough to satisfy the most demanding partner, through and through. Gaining control over the smooth muscles in your genitals is the key to maintaining your peak sexual arousal for long periods of time -- even long enough to experience whole body orgasms, rather than simply genital orgasms. In a whole body orgasm your entire body becomes an exquisite erogenous zone, much like your genitals always are. You can actually reach orgasm when your lover is rubbing your chest, or sucking on your toes and fingers, or nibbling your ears and throat. The magical key to opening the doorway into multiple whole body orgasms is relaxation of your smooth muscles, no matter how aroused, excited, or turned on you are.
Train your mind to think of something other than ejaculation. Thinking "I don't want to ejaculate" is still thinking about ejaculation. You must have something else to focus your attention. We don't recommend reciting sports stats or in any way diverting your attention from lovemaking. It is essential that you be fully present from moment to moment. But instead of thinking about ejaculation, or worrying about ejaculating too quickly, we suggest you think about pleasing your partner. Learn to take pleasure for yourself in the pleasing of your partner. Notice how she reacts when your tongue is exploring around her clitoris, but also notice how her clitoris feels on your tongue. Notice how she enjoys when you suck on her nipples, but also notice how her breasts feel pressed against your face. Notice how she moans when you gently run your fingers up the inside of her thighs, but also notice how her skin feels so soft and warm against your fingers. With your attention fully engaged in this way - on your partner, your breath, your genital muscles -- you are going to last a long time. As your lovemaking goes on, and on, and on... perhaps for hours, the energy within you and between you and your lover will accumulate to such an intense level that you may spontaneously experience the opening of your higher "spiritual" centres. With this opening comes an experience of ecstasy, bliss, joy, and wonder. This is where mastery of ejaculation can lead you and your satisfied partner.
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Erectile dysfunction (ED) or impotence can be a pointer to many underlying serious diseases. ED usually refers to the repeated inability to get or maintain an erection while performing the sexual act. Recently conducted studies have shown that 80 per cent of erectile dysfunction (ED) cases are related to the physical vascular system and only 20 per cent to psychological problems.
Though ED is very common but its impact on our life can be devastating. But in spite of the risks and dangers associated with it, men tend to ignore ED and prefer to suffer in silence. They often experience a drop in self- esteem and believe they will become the subject of jokes if they seek treatment for ED or any sexual ailment. But the real fact is that we need to take erectile dysfunction as seriously as coronary artery disease, hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol, stress, smoking, obesity and lack of exercise.
Never ignore ED as it’s not just a sex-related problem. In most of the circumstances, ED may be the first symptom to develop a heart disease or stroke may follow. One clear connection between ED and the risk of heart disease or stroke has to do with changes developing in the small blood vessels of the man's penis that initiate ED. Similar changes in the larger blood vessels such as those leading to the brain or heart can eventually result in heart attack or stroke.
So those men who are experiencing erection problems should not hesitate to seek immediate medical help. ED can be treated effectively, and in case of presence of other hidden ailments, these can be detected and treated early. The treatment of ED is not a big issue as wide range of drugs are available to cater to this need. Apart from the available branded drugs you can also opt for the generic one. The ED generic pills are as effective as the branded one if not more. So, opt for the ED generic pills and get rid off this problem for ever.
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Control Appetite
In studies of 105 subjects, it was found that people who inhaled a chocolate-like aroma when they felt hungry lost almost 3 pounds in 2 weeks. A research study of 3,193 people found that a whiff of banana, green apples or peppermint scents find out an average weight loss of 30 pounds in 6 months.
By sniffing the above aromas often, and remembering to smell all foods before you eat. This will make your brain believe that you're eating more, while in reality lessening your appetite.
Boost Energy Levels The following scents stir the portion of the brain that enhance wakefulness...
Jasmine causes a high level of beta waves in the brain, which will rev-up alertness, drinking jasmine tea is agreat pick-me-up.
Stawberries and buttered popcorn will cause people who exercise to burn more calories.
Peppermint will also work to boost alertness. Chewing peppermint gum or eating a peppermint candy can result mid-day wake up call.
Freshly Brewed Coffee aroma and its connection with caffeine helps the brain feel the energizing effects without the caffeine rush.
Improve Your Romance
Men and Women are sexually aroused by scents, but smells that stimulate are not the same.
For men: The blood flow to the penis is increased by 40% smelling lavander or pumpkin pie. Get a sniff of doughnuts, black licorice, vanilla or women's fragrances will also cause sexual stimulation in men.
For women: The scent of cucumber and licorice are arousing. Turn offs for women are scents of cherries, barbecued meat, and believe it or not men's cologne.
Lower Your Anxiety Fresh, natural aromas, in general cause a calming effect. A study of very confinded subject (small dark closet or room) showed people became very agitated, but when scents of green apples and cucumbers were pump in the subject seemed to calm down, their is some correlation these ordors have with the emotional center of the brain.
If you feel a condition may arise where you may feel anxious, wash your hair with green-apple-scented shampoo and/or place a portion of the shampoo on a cloth and bring it with you.
Increase Memory Power Studies show people who smell a floral scent have a 17% boost in new information retention. So, when reading new information take a whiff of a floral aroma, then smell it again to recall it. Neurologist refer to this as state-dependent learning. The information you learn from one state--from smelling honeysuckle aroma--will increase your rention of that same information when getting a sniff of honeysuckle.
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Note: The following descriptions of the magickal oils contain foreign words and phrases (Javanese/Arabic/Indonesian)--they are left untranslated for proper identification of the oils and the mantras/prayers associated with them.
Minyak Istanbul
Istanbul oil is one of the more common magickal types easily found sold in the Arab communities all over Indonesia and worn especially by the teachers of Islam. It has various grades and the good ones exude a very pungent, but fragrant scent. Once smelled it is hardly ever forgotten. It remains as a lasting memory. The scent is quite enduring, sometimes lasting for days on one's person and some say, may be sensed as far away as 20 feet--though this may be an exaggeration. Because of its pungency, not too many people agree well with it, saying that it makes their head whirl.
Minyak Istanbul although worn as an ordinary perfume among the pedagogues of Islam, is also used by shamans as a potent oil for the purposes of romance, sexual attraction, and charisma. When empowered with one's personal energies and thought-form, anyone within the range of the scent would not only look our way, but feel attracted and have the desire to socialize with us. The opposite sex would find us beautiful or good-looking. Pure Istanbul oil is hard to procure, most of what is sold through market places have been diluted and blended with other oils.
The oil may be consecrated with the following mantra to attract a specific person:
"Bismillahirrahmannirrahim
"Ingsun matek ajiku sibayang-bayang rasa
"Aji minyak istanbul sing kramat pengasihan
"Siapa lihat dia terpikat dan turut terpikat
"Siang kharisma nabi Yusuf as ada di wajahku
"Allahuma ya Allah" 7x
"Ya Muhammad" 3x
"Inkanat ila syaihatan wahidatan fa idzahum Jamiul ladaina muhdhorun" 7x
"Sing aku pantek si (the name of the person one wishes to attract) datang padaku haqqul yakin."
Minyak Sinyong-Nyong
Among the many wonder oils of the Dayaks is (Si)-Nyong-nyong. This minyak originates with the Iban tribe. It is a rare magical love oil used by the natives of Kalimantan mostly for keeping one's spouse faithful, although it is also applied in other affairs related to the heart by both men and women.
It is said that men who are affected by the influence of this oil would never commit adultery, even-though under barraged by the wildest temptation that the fairer sex may direct to them. In the event a man were to succumb to the wiles and seduction of a temptress, he would discover himself losing his sexual potency and would be unable to perform the coitus rite. The strange thing is that although impotent when it comes to other women, the body would function normally when fulfilling sexual duties towards one's lawful wife.
Nyong-nyong is made through a complex ritualistic process that is kept secret by the producers of this oil. It is usually manufactured during the natal day of the magically powerful head of the tribe. According to sources, on this special day, enchanted bottles are hung compulsorily on a certain banyan tree species for seven days and nights, after which time the bottles are magically filled with a thick fluid, and this is known as Nyong-nyong. The rite is not always successful which accounts for its rarity.
Nyong-nyong may be applied in many ways, one way is to have it ingested by the unsuspecting subject. Several drops in the subject's drink is enough to cause him to reject the approaches of other women. The affect of the oil may only last for several weeks or months, during which time the enchanter would repeat the process to maintain the status quo.
In general, the many love oils of the Dayaks may be applied for influencing another using the following rite:
Take some dirt or soil from the subject's footprints and wrap it up in a white piece of cloth, after which several drops of a love oil should be applied on the bundle. After this is done, the bundle of soil should be placed beneath one's pillow. The subject should then be visualized in an appropriate manner while calling out his or her name at least three times. Simultaneously, the pillow should be turned repeatedly and beaten.
Although difficult to acquire, Nyong-nyong oil is available to those that search for it. Minyak Nyong-nyong may be found sold by some perfume dealers, peddlers, and commercial psychics although the genuineness of the oil offered is questionable.
Minyak Air-Mata Duyung
This oil is the eye-secretion, or tears of the sea mammal, called, dugong (sea-cow) or "duyung" among the locals here in Indonesia. The creature sheds tears for lubrication of the eyes. The duyung is long believed to be the mythological mermaid and related to the Greek "sirens"; however, the latter is often referred to by Indonesian folklorists as "putri-duyung" and is quite different from the "ikan-duyung" or the dugong. Its scientific classification is as follow :
Family: Pugongidae in the order Sirenia.
Classification: Dugong dugon.
When unintentionally caught in fishermen's nets, perhaps out of the pain of struggle, the gentle and harmless dugong sheds these "crocodile tears." Most fishermen are careful to wipe these tears off the dugong with cotton swabs before returning the creature to the sea. The fluid in the cotton is later pressed and released into vials.
The oil or eye-secretion of the dugong has a wonderful but slight scent and is highly-prized for its magickal power to attract the opposite sex and is often used as a stand-alone or a blend with other magickal oils of nature with high pheromone content. In appearance, the "minyak air-mata duyung" is crystal-clear like water of a stream. Because of its scarcity, it is very costly.
Minyak Bulus
Minyak Bulus is derived from the fat of the fresh-water turtle and is used as an active ingredient for increasing the size of sexual appendages such as breasts and penises. It has a thick, yellowish appearance. When purchasing this oil one ought to be cautious as there are many fakes in the market-place. To use this oil one simply anoints and massages one's breast or penis with it. Scientific research on the virtues of the Bulus oil has not yet been conducted as far as we know, but generations of use of the oil gives credence to it's amazing properties.
Minyak Apel Jin
During rites of spirit-conjurations and evocations, shamans and those involved with Islamic occultism here in Indonesia often appropriate the Apel Jin oil for facilitating the contact. This oil has a black appearance. The thicker forms of this oil appears like tar and may be burnt on glowing embers as incense. The Apel-Jin is mostly used to conjure regional or house-spirits or those entities belonging to the lower astral realm. Its composition is a highly kept secret but some say that it contains products extracted from domestic live-stock or farm animals. The Apel-Jin comes in various grades and originally packed in apple-like brass containers--thus giving its name.
Minyak Lintah
Lintah means "leech." Minyak Lintah is thus translated into "Oil of Leeches." This oil, like the minyak bulus, is used to increase the size of the male penis and many have confirmed as to its efficacy. The oil has a black appearance and is derived from leeches prepared in a secret-manner. The application method is similar as the Minyak Bulus.
Minyak Kesambi and Minyak Banyu Urip
The "Banyu Urip" and Kesambi oils are names of products given by their adept-producer. These oils are extracted from the sap of certain trees and then empowered with magickal-force. The User only need consume the potions for the powers to begin to take effect in his body. The virtues of the Banyu Urip oil are as follow: it strengthens the bones; it builds-invulnerability against sharp weapons; it causes wounds to heal quickly; it strengthens the skin; it gives magickal protection against negative entities and forces; it increases one's personal magnetism; it gives one "sabda siddhi" or it causes one's words to have power; it increases psychic sensitivity, etc. The Kesambi oil is a class more powerful than the Banyu Urip--aside from invulnerability against sharp weapons, it also makes one invulnerable against bullets. The consumption of 7 bottles of either one of the oils gives long-lasting permanent effects of the powers.
Minyak Cimande
Among martial-artists of Pencak Silat here in Java, Indonesia, the Cimande (pronounced: Chee-Mun-Day) oil is quite famed for its power of invulnerability and its ability to assist the healing of broken bones, bruises, wounds, muscle-pull, twisted ligaments, etc. The physical formula and appearance of the Cimande oil may vary from one shaman producer to another, but the magickal power permeating them as empowered by these producers, are the same. Some of the ingredients of the Cimande oil are scarce and not easily obtainable; therefore, occasionally, the producers of the Cimande oils have to make do with what is available and use the best substitutes--this also contributes to the different appearances from one stock to another even by the same producer. There are many of these Cimande oils sold in traditional markets but not all are genuine--most have been diluted by their resellers to make more profit, so one has to exercise caution when purchasing them. The reseller's practice of cutting the oils is looked upon with a great amount of irritation by their producers.
There are basically two types of Cimande oils--although more are said to exist. These two types of oils may have various appearances, and often, even resembling; however, they are to be differentiated by their purposes and not their looks. The first type is the regular Cimande "balur" oils used for massages, for healing bruises and minor injury cases. The second type helps to heal broken-bones and applied for major muscle injury. It also builds-up invulnerability against sharp-weapons and punches in the user. Some Cimande-oils may be ingested for healing the organs. Cimande-oils may have strong sweet-sourish odors depending on the ingredients used.
The Cimande-oil is highly praised by those involved in martial-arts and contact-sports.
Minyak Ponibasawa
One of the magickal oils appropriated in Islamic occult practice in Indonesia is the Ponibasawa oil. This oil is especially used for uncovering known treasures hidden in certain sites or manifesting money, gold, and jewels through occult rituals. Genuine Ponibasawa oils have been consecrated with the verses of the Quran and the Divine Names--as recited by a whole "choir" of spiritual adepts and their students. The actual force of the ponibasawa lies in the khodams or angelic servants of the Quranic verses and Divine Names anchored into the oil and especially represented by the needles immersed within them. Great energy is also released by the oil in the evaporation process during occult rites, and this conveys the necessary energies for the khodams of the oil to conduct their assigned task. Many anomalies have been noted regarding the ponibasawa oils or its variants, such as, when the vial of the oil is placed in a glass of water, it would cause the evaporation of the water at a very rapid rate. Some have claimed that the khodams of the ponibasawa oils dislike alcohol, thus when brought near bottles of alcoholic beverages, the latter would shatter into pieces.
During rites of treasure retrieval or manifesting money or gold from the ethers, the oil is normally used in conjunction with high grades "Buhur," or powdered incenses. Certain prayers and mantras are recited to activate the power and forces associated with the oil.
There are many ponibasawa oils sold in traditional markets, but they are not all genuine and most of them are fakes in the sense that they are unempowered with occult force. The genuine ones are very costly and scarce and are said to come from Turkey. Ponibasawa oils are of various colors and come in sealed vials in larger glassed-tubes. The number of sealed vials may vary, from one to three--or even more. In each of the sealed vials are empowered needles of a variable amount--the more needles they contain, the more potent the oil--some variants of the ponibasawa oil do not contain any needles, though.
Copyright © 2006 Luxamore
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Alan Pease, author of a book titled "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps", believes that women are spatially-challenged compared to men. The British firm, Admiral Insurance, conducted a study of half a million claims. They found that "women were almost twice as likely as men to have a collision in a car park, 23 percent more likely to hit a stationary car, and 15 percent more likely to reverse into another vehicle" (Reuters).
Yet gender "differences" are often the outcomes of bad scholarship. Consider Admiral insurance's data. As Britain's Automobile Association (AA) correctly pointed out - women drivers tend to make more short journeys around towns and shopping centers and these involve frequent parking. Hence their ubiquity in certain kinds of claims. Regarding women's alleged spatial deficiency, in Britain, girls have been outperforming boys in scholastic aptitude tests - including geometry and maths - since 1988.
On the other wing of the divide, Anthony Clare, a British psychiatrist and author of "On Men" wrote:
"At the beginning of the 21st century it is difficult to avoid the conclusion that men are in serious trouble. Throughout the world, developed and developing, antisocial behavior is essentially male. Violence, sexual abuse of children, illicit drug use, alcohol misuse, gambling, all are overwhelmingly male activities. The courts and prisons bulge with men. When it comes to aggression, delinquent behavior, risk taking and social mayhem, men win gold."
Men also mature later, die earlier, are more susceptible to infections and most types of cancer, are more likely to be dyslexic, to suffer from a host of mental health disorders, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and to commit suicide.
In her book, "Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man", Susan Faludi describes a crisis of masculinity following the breakdown of manhood models and work and family structures in the last five decades. In the film "Boys don't Cry", a teenage girl binds her breasts and acts the male in a caricatural relish of stereotypes of virility. Being a man is merely a state of mind, the movie implies.
But what does it really mean to be a "male" or a "female"? Are gender identity and sexual preferences genetically determined? Can they be reduced to one's sex? Or are they amalgams of biological, social, and psychological factors in constant interaction? Are they immutable lifelong features or dynamically evolving frames of self-reference?
Certain traits attributed to one's sex are surely better accounted for by cultural factors, the process of socialization, gender roles, and what George Devereux called "ethnopsychiatry" in "Basic Problems of Ethnopsychiatry" (University of Chicago Press, 1980). He suggested to divide the unconscious into the id (the part that was always instinctual and unconscious) and the "ethnic unconscious" (repressed material that was once conscious). The latter is mostly molded by prevailing cultural mores and includes all our defense mechanisms and most of the superego.
So, how can we tell whether our sexual role is mostly in our blood or in our brains?
The scrutiny of borderline cases of human sexuality - notably the transgendered or intersexed - can yield clues as to the distribution and relative weights of biological, social, and psychological determinants of gender identity formation.
The results of a study conducted by Uwe Hartmann, Hinnerk Becker, and Claudia Rueffer-Hesse in 1997 and titled "Self and Gender: Narcissistic Pathology and Personality Factors in Gender Dysphoric Patients", published in the "International Journal of Transgenderism", "indicate significant psychopathological aspects and narcissistic dysregulation in a substantial proportion of patients." Are these "psychopathological aspects" merely reactions to underlying physiological realities and changes? Could social ostracism and labeling have induced them in the "patients"?
The authors conclude:
"The cumulative evidence of our study ... is consistent with the view that gender dysphoria is a disorder of the sense of self as has been proposed by Beitel (1985) or Pfäfflin (1993). The central problem in our patients is about identity and the self in general and the transsexual wish seems to be an attempt at reassuring and stabilizing the self-coherence which in turn can lead to a further destabilization if the self is already too fragile. In this view the body is instrumentalized to create a sense of identity and the splitting symbolized in the hiatus between the rejected body-self and other parts of the self is more between good and bad objects than between masculine and feminine."
Freud, Kraft-Ebbing, and Fliess suggested that we are all bisexual to a certain degree. As early as 1910, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld argued, in Berlin, that absolute genders are "abstractions, invented extremes". The consensus today is that one's sexuality is, mostly, a psychological construct which reflects gender role orientation.
Joanne Meyerowitz, a professor of history at Indiana University and the editor of The Journal of American History observes, in her recently published tome, "How Sex Changed: A History of Transsexuality in the United States", that the very meaning of masculinity and femininity is in constant flux.
Transgender activists, says Meyerowitz, insist that gender and sexuality represent "distinct analytical categories". The New York Times wrote in its review of the book: "Some male-to-female transsexuals have sex with men and call themselves homosexuals. Some female-to-male transsexuals have sex with women and call themselves lesbians. Some transsexuals call themselves asexual."
So, it is all in the mind, you see.
This would be taking it too far. A large body of scientific evidence points to the genetic and biological underpinnings of sexual behavior and preferences.
The German science magazine, "Geo", reported recently that the males of the fruit fly "drosophila melanogaster" switched from heterosexuality to homosexuality as the temperature in the lab was increased from 19 to 30 degrees Celsius. They reverted to chasing females as it was lowered.
The brain structures of homosexual sheep are different to those of straight sheep, a study conducted recently by the Oregon Health & Science University and the U.S. Department of Agriculture Sheep Experiment Station in Dubois, Idaho, revealed. Similar differences were found between gay men and straight ones in 1995 in Holland and elsewhere. The preoptic area of the hypothalamus was larger in heterosexual men than in both homosexual men and straight women.
According an article, titled "When Sexual Development Goes Awry", by Suzanne Miller, published in the September 2000 issue of the "World and I", various medical conditions give rise to sexual ambiguity. Congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), involving excessive androgen production by the adrenal cortex, results in mixed genitalia. A person with the complete androgen insensitivity syndrome (AIS) has a vagina, external female genitalia and functioning, androgen-producing, testes - but no uterus or fallopian tubes.
People with the rare 5-alpha reductase deficiency syndrome are born with ambiguous genitalia. They appear at first to be girls. At puberty, such a person develops testicles and his clitoris swells and becomes a penis. Hermaphrodites possess both ovaries and testicles (both, in most cases, rather undeveloped). Sometimes the ovaries and testicles are combined into a chimera called ovotestis.
Most of these individuals have the chromosomal composition of a woman together with traces of the Y, male, chromosome. All hermaphrodites have a sizable penis, though rarely generate sperm. Some hermaphrodites develop breasts during puberty and menstruate. Very few even get pregnant and give birth.
Anne Fausto-Sterling, a developmental geneticist, professor of medical science at Brown University, and author of "Sexing the Body", postulated, in 1993, a continuum of 5 sexes to supplant the current dimorphism: males, merms (male pseudohermaphrodites), herms (true hermaphrodites), ferms (female pseudohermaphrodites), and females.
Intersexuality (hermpahroditism) is a natural human state. We are all conceived with the potential to develop into either sex. The embryonic developmental default is female. A series of triggers during the first weeks of pregnancy places the fetus on the path to maleness.
In rare cases, some women have a male's genetic makeup (XY chromosomes) and vice versa. But, in the vast majority of cases, one of the sexes is clearly selected. Relics of the stifled sex remain, though. Women have the clitoris as a kind of symbolic penis. Men have breasts (mammary glands) and nipples.
The Encyclopedia Britannica 2003 edition describes the formation of ovaries and testes thus:
"In the young embryo a pair of gonads develop that are indifferent or neutral, showing no indication whether they are destined to develop into testes or ovaries. There are also two different duct systems, one of which can develop into the female system of oviducts and related apparatus and the other into the male sperm duct system. As development of the embryo proceeds, either the male or the female reproductive tissue differentiates in the originally neutral gonad of the mammal."
Yet, sexual preferences, genitalia and even secondary sex characteristics, such as facial and pubic hair are first order phenomena. Can genetics and biology account for male and female behavior patterns and social interactions ("gender identity")? Can the multi-tiered complexity and richness of human masculinity and femininity arise from simpler, deterministic, building blocks?
Sociobiologists would have us think so.
For instance: the fact that we are mammals is astonishingly often overlooked. Most mammalian families are composed of mother and offspring. Males are peripatetic absentees. Arguably, high rates of divorce and birth out of wedlock coupled with rising promiscuity merely reinstate this natural "default mode", observes Lionel Tiger, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University in New Jersey. That three quarters of all divorces are initiated by women tends to support this view.
Furthermore, gender identity is determined during gestation, claim some scholars.
Milton Diamond of the University of Hawaii and Dr. Keith Sigmundson, a practicing psychiatrist, studied the much-celebrated John/Joan case. An accidentally castrated normal male was surgically modified to look female, and raised as a girl but to no avail. He reverted to being a male at puberty.
His gender identity seems to have been inborn (assuming he was not subjected to conflicting cues from his human environment). The case is extensively described in John Colapinto's tome "As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl".
HealthScoutNews cited a study published in the November 2002 issue of "Child Development". The researchers, from City University of London, found that the level of maternal testosterone during pregnancy affects the behavior of neonatal girls and renders it more masculine. "High testosterone" girls "enjoy activities typically considered male behavior, like playing with trucks or guns". Boys' behavior remains unaltered, according to the study.
Yet, other scholars, like John Money, insist that newborns are a "blank slate" as far as their gender identity is concerned. This is also the prevailing view. Gender and sex-role identities, we are taught, are fully formed in a process of socialization which ends by the third year of life. The Encyclopedia Britannica 2003 edition sums it up thus:
"Like an individual's concept of his or her sex role, gender identity develops by means of parental example, social reinforcement, and language. Parents teach sex-appropriate behavior to their children from an early age, and this behavior is reinforced as the child grows older and enters a wider social world. As the child acquires language, he also learns very early the distinction between "he" and "she" and understands which pertains to him- or herself."
So, which is it - nature or nurture? There is no disputing the fact that our sexual physiology and, in all probability, our sexual preferences are determined in the womb. Men and women are different - physiologically and, as a result, also psychologically.
Society, through its agents - foremost amongst which are family, peers, and teachers - represses or encourages these genetic propensities. It does so by propagating "gender roles" - gender-specific lists of alleged traits, permissible behavior patterns, and prescriptive morals and norms. Our "gender identity" or "sex role" is shorthand for the way we make use of our natural genotypic-phenotypic endowments in conformity with social-cultural "gender roles".
Inevitably as the composition and bias of these lists change, so does the meaning of being "male" or "female". Gender roles are constantly redefined by tectonic shifts in the definition and functioning of basic social units, such as the nuclear family and the workplace. The cross-fertilization of gender-related cultural memes renders "masculinity" and "femininity" fluid concepts.
One's sex equals one's bodily equipment, an objective, finite, and, usually, immutable inventory. But our endowments can be put to many uses, in different cognitive and affective contexts, and subject to varying exegetic frameworks. As opposed to "sex" - "gender" is, therefore, a socio-cultural narrative. Both heterosexual and homosexual men ejaculate. Both straight and lesbian women climax. What distinguishes them from each other are subjective introjects of socio-cultural conventions, not objective, immutable "facts".
In "The New Gender Wars", published in the November/December 2000 issue of "Psychology Today", Sarah Blustain sums up the "bio-social" model proposed by Mice Eagly, a professor of psychology at Northwestern University and a former student of his, Wendy Wood, now a professor at the Texas A&M University:
"Like (the evolutionary psychologists), Eagly and Wood reject social constructionist notions that all gender differences are created by culture. But to the question of where they come from, they answer differently: not our genes but our roles in society. This narrative focuses on how societies respond to the basic biological differences - men's strength and women's reproductive capabilities - and how they encourage men and women to follow certain patterns.
'If you're spending a lot of time nursing your kid', explains Wood, 'then you don't have the opportunity to devote large amounts of time to developing specialized skills and engaging tasks outside of the home'. And, adds Eagly, 'if women are charged with caring for infants, what happens is that women are more nurturing. Societies have to make the adult system work [so] socialization of girls is arranged to give them experience in nurturing'.
According to this interpretation, as the environment changes, so will the range and texture of gender differences. At a time in Western countries when female reproduction is extremely low, nursing is totally optional, childcare alternatives are many, and mechanization lessens the importance of male size and strength, women are no longer restricted as much by their smaller size and by child-bearing. That means, argue Eagly and Wood, that role structures for men and women will change and, not surprisingly, the way we socialize people in these new roles will change too. (Indeed, says Wood, 'sex differences seem to be reduced in societies where men and women have similar status,' she says. If you're looking to live in more gender-neutral environment, try Scandinavia.)"
